


T(Ruth) Be Told

by emmathecharming



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:04:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmathecharming/pseuds/emmathecharming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CS AU<br/>Emma Swan is looking to start over after ending a bad relationship. She moves to the city and decides to move on with a clean slate, name and all. But what happens when she meets her new neighbor Killian Jones? Will she be able to keep her past behind her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this will be a multi-chapter story. I don't know exactly how many chapters it will have yet though.

     Emma could see the skyline growing clearer the closer she got. The big city, it had been a while since Emma had spent any time in a place like this. She was looking forward to a change of pace. It had been a long couple of months. She and Neal had fought so much before she finally decided to move out. Of course she probably should have lined up somewhere new to live before she stormed out, but planning had never been one of her strengths.

     And so she was stuck living in her car until she could find an apartment and a job to pay the rent. Luckily this was something she was used to. She had lived in a car off and on for months before she settled down with Neal, if you could call that settling down. Life with Neal had never been calm. He had never done well at holding a job for long and the fighting was a common occurrence. But finally she'd had enough. She needed stability, something she knew she would never have with Neal. And so she'd set out on her own once again.

     Perhaps it was better this way; letting people into her life had only brought her pain, pain she wanted so desperately to leave behind. She dreamed of being someone else, someone who had lived an easier life, a life free of the heartbreak she'd endured. Perhaps that was the answer, becoming someone else. She was starting over in a new place. Nobody knew her here. She could be someone new, someone who was still hopeful. Yes, she liked this idea. She would reinvent herself, start over as completely as she could. Now she just needed to decide who she wanted to be.

     The first thing she would need in order to reinvent herself would be a new name. She would never be able to escape her past completely if she was still going by Emma. But there were thousands of names to choose from, so many ways to go. It should be something short and simple, she would have to be able to remember it after all. She thought back to the people she'd met and the stories she had been told throughout her life and one person seemed to stick out.

     The memory of the last time she saw her was just as clear in her mind as if it had been yesterday. It was the day before she finally decided to run away from the group home she had been in. She was standing outside as yet another little girl got adopted instead of her. She could still remember how completely unwanted and alone she had felt that day. But she also remembered how she put herself into that little girl's place, how she imagined what that girl must be feeling. She imagined the feelings of hope and joy that must have been running wild in her head at that moment, finally feeling wanted and loved.   

     That event had actually been the final push Emma needed to leave. She was sick of watching from the sidelines while more and more of her friends got what she had always wanted, a family. Maybe she could use that girl's name to start her new life. Maybe doing so would bring her a bit of the luck she so badly wanted. At the very least, it couldn't hurt. So it seemed she had made her decision.  She would start this new era in her life as Ruth.

*************************************************************************

     She spent the next several days looking, first, for a job and then a place to live. Both pursuits proved more challenging than she has expected. She needed a job to get an apartment and there was a noticeable lack of available jobs, especially in what she wanted to do. Despite what others thought about her based on her often hard exterior, Emma loved working with and helping kids. For a while after she set out on her own, she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She wasn't even sure if she had what it would take to make something of her life. But she couldn't stop thinking about how she wanted to do what she could to help keep other people from having the same life she had been forced to endure. She wanted to help make a better life for children in the system.

     And so she looked and looked until she found someone who would hire her. She wasn't exactly the most eligible candidate for most jobs; she was just a young girl with no family, no diploma and no real skills to speak of. It was nothing much, just a maid job at a local hotel, but it allowed her to make a small life for herself and even get her GED. The next step had been a little more difficult. College was expensive, but she knew that if she wanted to be a social worker, she would need a degree. She put every penny she could towards paying for school. It wasn't enough, but with a few loans she was finally able to graduate.        

     She was lucky enough to find a good job almost right away and she worked as hard as she could to pay off all of her student loans. She didn't want that to hold her back now that she was finally making something of her life. She was actually starting to feel happy about where she was, something she had wanted for so long. She felt like she was making a difference, no matter how small it was, in the lives of foster kids. The idea that maybe just maybe she was making their lives even a little bit better was more than she could have hoped for.

     But now that she had decided to leave her old life and start over, that meant leaving the job she'd had since she was just out of school. That job had been an anchor of sorts for her and now that it was gone, she felt a little lost. It certainly didn't help that none of the offices in this city seemed to be hiring at the moment. She would have to look for something else.

     She spent three days driving around the city looking for somewhere to work. Finally she found something. There was a day care that was looking for someone. It was not at all what she was hoping for, she would much rather have been working with kids who were stuck in the system like she used to, but she supposed it was better than continuing to live out of her car. At least if she took this job, she would be able to rent an apartment to live in while she looked for a job she really wanted.

     She went in to the day care office and talked to the woman there. They were desperate for help. The woman took one look at Emma's resume and told her she could start next week. Emma was relieved to finally have something in her life to begin to rebuild the stability she was missing more and more as time went on. Now she just needed a place to live, which hopefully would be easier to tackle now that she had the promise of money to pay the rent. By the end of that day, she had found a place and signed a lease. She would have to wait a few days to move in so it looked like she would be stuck living out of her car a little longer. But she didn't mind so much anymore knowing it would be over soon.

*************************************************************************

     Monday evening, she walked up the stairs of the building where she would now be living, tired after a long first day at work ready to finally start settling into what was now her apartment. She was too focused on her phone to notice that while she was walking up the stairs someone else had just entered the stairwell from the doorway she was headed for. She looked up just in time to notice him as she bumped into him, almost falling backwards down the stairs in the process.         

     "Woah! Watch out." the stranger asserted instinctively.

     "I'm sorry. I really do need to be more careful about watching where I'm going. But I hardly think it's completely my fault. You came through that door pretty quickly."

     "I'm not the one with their nose in their phone, love."

     "Love? Really?" He was one of those guys, full of himself. He was handsome and well aware of that fact.

     "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. It's an old habit."

     "Whatever you say." She was very ready for this conversation to be over so that she could get inside and finally sit down. She started back up the few remaining steps and reached out to open the door. But before she could open the door and step through, the man spoke to her again.

     "The name's Killian. Killian Jones."

     She ignored him. She had no desire to start a relationship of any kind with anyone at this point. She just wanted to go about her life. She moved to go through the door to exit the stairwell and find her apartment. But it seemed he wasn't going to let her off that easily.      

     "What? Do I not get to know your name too? We are neighbors and we will probably run in to each other again and it would be nice to be able to use your name when that happens. Although, hopefully next time we won't literally run into each other."

     "Fine." she said, realizing that he wouldn't let her leave until she gave in. "The name's Emma."

     She quickly stepped through the door pulling it closed behind her so as to keep him from trying to continue to conversation further.

     But as soon as she stopped on the other side of the door to figure out which way she needed to turn, she realized what she had said. She had been so distracted by the stranger, by Killian, that she had completely forgotten her entire plan, she'd given him her real name. She headed off to find her apartment, hoping that she would never have to see him again and she would just be able to follow through with her plan and move on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has finally begun to start settling in to her new apartment and her new life. But what happens when she can't seem to shake Killian Jones?

    There it was, 3B. This was where she would be living for the time being. She dug her key out of her coat pocket and fit it into the lock. What she found when she opened the door was about what she had expected, but for some reason it felt different than the last time she'd moved into a new place. While the apartment did come with a little furniture, a couch, a bed, and a kitchen table, there was a lot of empty space, especially on the walls. Perhaps it was the fact that she was looking for a new start that made this apartment seem especially empty, like it was just waiting for her to make something of it.

    Emma had never been much of a decorator, she had never had the means to be. Before she had set out on her own, she had moved from house to house so often that there was no reason to try and make any of them special. Once she was on her own, money was tight, food and school were her top prioritizes, she could live without posters and rugs. And even once she had graduated and started working, she didn't have time to go from store to store to find the perfect things to decorate her home, and besides, she had spent her whole life with blank walls. She was used to it.

    But she didn't want to be Emma anymore. She was Ruth now. And she supposed that Ruth would probably enjoy making this space her own. She would have the time and money needed to allow her to care about these rooms and how they looked. Emma probably would have already had a lot things to find places for in her new apartment if her life hadn’t been so chaotic and had been more like the life she’d dreamed of.

    But Emma had nothing and all of that would have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight, she was too tired to care about much more than which box she would have to go retrieve from her car so that she would have what she would need in the morning. So now that she knew which door led to her new place, she headed back downstairs and out into the quickly fading daylight to bring her few possessions along with her into this new life.

***************************

    Emma woke the next morning finally feeling like she had made the right decision. She had been so unsure the last few days but waking up somewhere other than her car gave her a renewed perspective on the whole situation. She only hoped she didn't run into the man from the day before again. She did not need him showing up in her life to distract her from her plan to start anew.

    It didn't take her long to get ready for work. She had never been one to do a lot of primping and she had no food for breakfast since she had yet to go grocery shopping. She managed to make it out of the building and to her car with any unwelcome interruptions, making her feel much more hopeful about the rest of her day.

    Work was easier now that her first day was over and done with. She had met most of the children the day before and she was starting to learn the center's routine. But it was still disheartening for her. Emma missed the work she used to do. As hard as it was to work with some of the kids in the foster system, it was something that made her feel good, like she was making a difference.

    This job was different. Before she was almost excited to go to work, even despite the often difficult days. But now, she found herself constantly checking the clock, looking forward to 6 o'clock, when she would be able to leave and go do other things.

    She doubted that she would have any plans most evenings, but tonight she did. She was going to go shopping to decorate her apartment. She wanted this new start to feel hopeful. And for Emma, part of that hope was found in stability and she wouldn't feel stable unless her home felt like just that, a home.

    6 o'clock finally came around and once the last of the children had been picked up by their parents and the cleaning was done, Emma asked her boss for directions to the nearest home goods store and headed out in that direction. Once there, she wandered down each and every aisle, struggling to decide which items would best match her new life. Starting from scratch was hard, so many styles to choose from and Emma had now idea what she was doing. Finally, with a lot of help from one of the employees at the store, she picked out a few things and loaded them in her car.

***************************

    She hadn't bought that many things, just a few posters and a mirror along with a few food staples, but it was enough to make her hands very full. She struggled to get the building door open while also keeping her grip on all of her bags. It wasn't working. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't reach her hand far enough without risking everything she carried.

    That was until a leather-clad arm reached around her to grab the handle. She turned around to thank the owner of the arm and and came face to face yet again with Killian Jones.

    "Oh great, it's you" she said, barely even trying to hide the distaste in her voice.

    "I was rather expecting a thank you. But I can leave you to open the door yourself if you'd rather. I wouldn't want to be a bother."

    "Oh no. I didn't mean that. Well I did, but I didn't mean to actually say it out loud." Why did this man make her so flustered? She was usually not nervous around men, at least not enough that it would show.

    "That's alright. I sensed how annoyed you were last time we talked too."

    "You could’ve fooled me. It looked like you were rather enjoying the conversation."

    "I was hoping my charm would change your mind."

    There it was again, that smugness she had seen in him the night before.

    "Is that so? Well as I'm sure you can see, that plan didn't work too well."

    "Who said my plan was complete?"

    "Ha." Emma scoffed. "So I guess that means I won't get you to leave me alone anytime soon?"

    "You’d be right. Look, at least let me help you get your bags upstairs. I'm going to the third floor anyway and you seem to be struggling a little."

    "Well as much as I hate to say this, I would love the help. They are getting pretty heavy."

    He held the building door open for her and once they had both stepped inside he held up his hands. She gave him three of her bags and they headed upstairs. They made it all the way to her door before Killian finally broke the awkward silence between them as she fished her key out of her purse.

    "So are you new here or did I just miss you somehow?"

    "Uh... I'm new. I just moved into the building yesterday actually." Emma replied pushing the door open.

    "Well that would explain why this place is still so empty. Where is all your stuff?"

    "Oh well.... um this is it. What you see is what I have" she said gesturing awkwardly to the noticeably bare space around them.

    "This is it?"

    "Yeah. I uh.... It was a pretty quick move. I didn't want to take the time to figure out what I could take with me and what my uh.... ex would want to keep. I just took what I needed and left."

    "Ah now I understand. And am I right to assume you don't want to talk about it?"

    "You would be correct."

    "Well then I'll just let you be. Unless of course you want some help putting all of this away..."

    "You know what? I think I'll be alright on my own. It's only a few groceries and I still have no idea what I'm doing with any of these decorations so there really isn't much that needs to be done right now. So if you don't mind..." She was starting to get annoyed with him again and she was ready to be alone again.

    "Of course, love. I'll leave you be."

    "Thank you... for your help I mean."

    "Anytime. Bye Emma."

    “Goodbye Killian."

    Killian headed for the door and Emma leaned her head down to rest it on the countertop sighing. She felt extremely exhausted after this long day. She didn't notice how Killian stopped in the open doorway and looked back at her until he spoke once again.

    "So I'll see you around?"

    Emma looked up surprised to see him still there. She didn't know why but something inside her stopped her from saying no.

    "Yeah I guess you will."

    "Great. Oh, and I’m just next door in apartment 3C if you need anything." He smiled and stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him.

    "What am I doing?" Emma said aloud. She could see her plan beginning to fall apart and yet, she wasn't sure if she wanted to fight to keep it together.

    She couldn’t think about all that right now. First she needed to take care of everything she had just bought, starting with the groceries. The fridge that had come with the apartment was very small but Emma doubted that would matter much. It was just her and she had never been one to eat much. She’d only bought a few basics this time anyway, milk, eggs and the necessary ingredients for a simple sandwich should she so desire.

    But now came the hard part, the decorations. Emma didn’t have much of an eye for this sort of thing and there was a lot of empty wall space, especially considering how little she had bought. She had a lot of options and no idea what she liked best. She tried to decide which pieces out of what she bought she would like to look at most thinking that she would put those in the living room where she would see them. The posters would probably best fit that description. She wasn’t keen to look at herself much so the mirror, which she had bought simply because the girl at the store had been so insistent that she should, should probably go in the bedroom where she would be spending less time and where she would be getting ready.

    She dug through her boxes to find the container of office supplies that had previously been in her office. She hadn’t thought to buy anything to hang the artwork with so thumbtacks would have to do. She had bought three prints, nothing too elaborate, just some flowers that all seemed to look nice together. She stood on the couch to put two of them on the wall behind it and she put the third on the wall opposite the door to the bedroom.

    The mirror would be a little bit harder, it was too heavy to be hung with simple pushpins. She would need nails for that, which of course she didn’t have. She had an idea as to who might have some but she wasn’t exactly eager to call Killian for help. She had already let him see too much. She had wanted to start over, to be someone else, to not get close to anyone, and especially to not let anyone see the real her. But it was too late for all of that with Killian.

    From the first moment they’d met, something about him had gotten under her skin, in more ways than one. Sure she had found him quite frustrating, but there was also something about him that she couldn’t shake, that intrigued her. She felt almost comfortable around him, like she could be herself even if that’s exactly who she didn’t want to be. This was not something Emma was used to. She was quite accustomed to putting up walls and keeping people out. Even with Neal, she had never really felt comfortable. He had finally found a way through her barriers and they had worked fairly well together for a while, but underneath it all there was always a tension that had never let her feel secure about their relationship.

    She was afraid that if she actually initiated an encounter, that would be the final blow needed to shatter her plans. Would she really be able to push him away after this? He clearly wanted to get to know her better, and to be honest she thought she might like that too. She hated to admit it but she didn’t have much choice in the matter. If she wanted the mirror to be put up, which she did, she would have to ask Killian to come back. Even if she bought nails she doubted that she would be able to put the mirror up by herself.

    So she headed out of her apartment to the next door down and knocked. He opened the door and she could tell that she had been the last person he had expected to see there. He recovered quickly though and she could see his mind racing, trying to determine why she was there, as a smirk formed on his face.

    “Miss me already, Emma?” He leaned against the door frame, clearly thinking a lot of himself.

    “Not exactly. I need a little favor.” she said nervously, pushing her hair out of her face.

    “Is that so? And what would that be?”

    “Well I was trying to hang up some of the things I bought but I didn’t plan ahead very well. I have no way of hanging the mirror. I was wondering if perhaps you had some nails and a little free time to help me hang it up.”

    “I think I could spare a few minutes. Just let me grab my tools and I’ll meet you at your apartment?”

    “Perfect. Thanks.”

    Emma walked back into her apartment and stood for a moment in the living room thinking about what she had just done. She had actually invited someone, not just someone but Killian Jones, into her apartment, into her life. There was no going back from this now. He wasn’t going anywhere and neither, it seemed, was her life as Emma Swan.

    Emma was still standing in the middle of the room when Killian walked in and she didn’t notice his presence until he finally spoke.

    “So where’s the mirror and where do you want it?”

    “Oh, uh it’s over there leaning up against the couch. And I was thinking it would go well in the bedroom. Here I’ll show you.”

    He picked up the mirror and followed her into the bedroom.

    “I was thinking it would look nice on this wall here, the one opposite the bed.”

    “It’s your room, love. I’ll put it wherever you want it.”

    “Then opposite the bed it is. Do you need any help?”

    “Not right away. I may need your help once I’ve got the nails actually in the wall though.”

    “Alright. I guess I’ll just sit down over here then.”

    As soon as Emma sat down on the bed, her phone began to ring, breaking the awkward tension that had begun to form as soon Killian had walked through the door. Emma looked down to see who it was and the name on the screen, Neal, caused her to immediately hit ignore.

    “So where did you move from?” Killian was clearly trying to ease some of the tension surrounding them.

    “Newton Massachusetts. It’s about 30 minutes out of Boston.”

    “What’s it like there? I don’t imagine it’s much like the big city.”

    “No, it’s nothing like here. It’s a lot smaller and a lot more spread out. I miss the space there. I always feel so walled in in big cities.” She had planned to keep going but at that moment her phone started to ring again. Clearly Neal did not get the message that she didn’t want to talk. She hoped that perhaps being ignored a second would get it across to him. It was a moment before either of them spoke again. This time Emma was the one to speak first.

    “So how about you? How did you end up here?” She thought he might have an interesting story. She’d heard what seemed to be small traces of a foreign accent that still hung around despite some time spent here.

    “Well my tale is not a happy one for sure.” He stopped working and turned to look at her before continuing. “I’m originally from the UK, Ireland to be more precise. I moved here after my older brother… Well, after we lost my brother. I needed a change of scenery. Everywhere I went held memories too painful for me. I needed someplace new. I left home and well, here I am.”

    Emma had no idea what to say. Killian barely knew her and yet here he was talking about what was clearly a painful subject for him.

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring any of that up.”

    “It’s alright. You couldn't have known there was even anything to bring up.”

    And at that point, just as Emma started to feel more comfortable with her current situation, her phone rang out yet again.

    “Aren’t you going to get that, love?”

    “I wasn’t planning to. They can wait.”

    “This is the third call from who I assume is the same person. It would seem that they do not share your feelings.”

    Emma sighed, “I guess I’ll have to talk to him sometime.”

    “I don’t imagine he’ll leave you be until you do so perhaps it’d be best.”

    “Yeah you’re probably right. I’ll just be a minute.”

    Emma walked into the living room pulling the bedroom partially closed behind her as she left. She was almost too late but she hit answer just before her phone would have hung up on him again. She was greeted immediately by a clearly annoyed Neal.

    “Why did you ignore me?”

    “Did it occur to you that perhaps I was just busy or didn’t want to talk to you?”

    “Why wouldn’t you want to talk to me? What did I do?”

    “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you? Have you not noticed that I moved out?”

    “Really? I noticed stuff was missing but I figured you were just on a trip. I know you have to travel sometimes to go see kids you’ve helped.”

    “And you didn’t think to even confirm that, to make sure I was ok? I’ve been gone for like a week and I haven’t heard one word from you.” At this point Emma was starting to lose control of her temper, her voice starting to get sharper and louder.

    “Look, Emma. Just come home and we can talk about whatever you’re feeling.” Neal was plainly trying to avoid an argument, not that Emma expected anything else from him. That was very typical for him. He just avoided problems or made it seem like she was the only one bothered and hoped they went away. But of course they never did. How could they if the two of them never talked about them?

    “Home? My home is here now. I’m done with you, with your lies and broken promises. I’m done with the fighting. I’ve moved out and I’m moving on!” And with that Emma hung up the phone, too angry to continue talking. She sat on the couch a moment to try and get herself back under control before she went back in to face Killian.

    Finally, after what seemed like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a minute or two, Emma stood and walked back into the bedroom. Killian was still hard at work and Emma was quite aware of how he avoided meeting her gaze. She knew that he had to have heard most of what she’d said, she had hardly been quiet. But he clearly wasn’t going to be the one to bring it; she would have to speak first.

    “Sorry. I’m sure that was loud and probably awkward for you to have to hear.”

    “That’s quite alright.”

    Emma found herself talking again before she had even decided what she wanted to say.

    “He’s just so frustrating. I don’t understand him. How could he not get the message that I was clearly upset? I mean, we had been fighting for weeks, worse than we ever had before, and I moved out for goodness sake. How did he not realize I moved out?”

    “Shouldn’t you be asking him all of these questions? I’m not exactly in the know here.”

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Of course you’re right. He should be the one answering. And I did ask him. But, as always he just dodged my questions, tried to make it look like I was the one with the problems not him.”

    Killian stepped away from the wall to inspect his work. The mirror stayed where it was so he moved to sit next to Emma on the bed.

    “I may not know much about this ex of yours, but I do know one thing. The man is a bloody idiot for treating a woman such as yourself like this.”

    Emma had not been expecting that. Nor did she expect her own reaction to his words. He made her feel almost safe, like she could let her guard down a little around him.

    “Thank you Killian, for the mirror too.”

    “Right, the mirror. You’re quite welcome. Was that all you needed?”

    “Yeah… that was it.”

    He stood, a little too quickly. He seemed almost nervous as he collected the few tools he had brought with him.

    “I’ll just go then. You seem to had quite an evening and I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

    “Right, sure. I’ll walk you out.”

    Killian left the bedroom with Emma following right behind him as he walked toward her front door. He opened the door and then he paused to turn back to her.

    “You know where to find me if you ever need anything else.” Emma could tell that he was holding something else back but she wasn’t sure just what it was. But she found herself stepping closer to him without thinking.

    “Thank you again, Killian, for everything.” Before she could stop herself, she stepped forward again, closing the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It was an awkward event, she had clearly surprised him. After an all too short moment, he stepped back disentangling himself from her arms and moved out the door with nothing more than another “goodbye Emma”. She closed the door behind him and leaned up against it.

    “Well that didn’t go like I’d planned.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so terribly sorry it's taken me this long to update. First I had school and finals and then when I finally had time to write, it took a while to get it to flow. I hope this chapter is worth your wait.

     Over the next several days, Emma was very cautious whenever she was entering or leaving her apartment. She had no desire to see Killian right now, not after what she'd done. She had lost control of the situation entirely, had broken all of her rules. She was letting her walls down, letting him in and that was the one thing she knew she couldn't do. She had to protect herself, being alone was better than getting her heart broken yet again.

     She spent a lot of time thinking about him and it all just seemed too easy, this thing with him. That scared her even more than her own actions. She hadn't been looking for a relationship at all and yet here she was opening up, flirting, even talking about her past. It had never been like this with Neal. With Neal, she was constantly having to fight to keep them together even as he hurt her again and again, always putting more work into the relationship than he did. She had thought they were in love and that love meant fighting to keep it but in the end their relationship had taken everything she had, leaving her drained and emotionally exhausted.

     That was why she couldn't let herself open up to Killian, as much as she seemed to want to. She just knew that if she did, she would end up falling head over heels for him and then she would just end up broken and alone again. No one was worth that kind of pain, not even him. Hence her caution.

     But after three days of rushing straight from her apartment to work and then back again at the end of the day, Emma had finally had enough. She wanted to spend some time somewhere else, looking at something other than the plain walls of her apartment or the pastel ones at the daycare. To this end, she decided to stop in the small Chinese restaurant a few doors down from her building for dinner on her way home instead of having it delivered. She knew it was risky to stop there, he could have made the same choice for his dinner, but she had decided it was a risk worth taking and she wasn't going to let herself chicken out.

     She had been waiting for almost twenty minutes, growing more nervous with each passing second, when her fears suddenly crashed down on her. She heard the bell above the door chime and looked up instinctively and saw Killian stepping in from the cold. She quickly looked back down, shifting awkwardly on the bench trying to hide her face so he wouldn't see her there. But it was too late, he'd already noticed her and was walking toward the counter to order but instead he was headed straight for her.

     _This is it. I will be polite but that is it. I will be polite and then I will leave and that will be it._

     "Well hello there, Swan. I haven't seen you around lately. Everything okay?"

     "Hello, Killian. Everything's fine."

     "Is that all I get, love? What've you been up to?"

     "It's Emma."

     That seemed to throw him for a little bit a loop. He had clearly been expecting her to be more warm and friendly. The poor guy probably thought they were becoming friends. She'd have to set him straight. But even as she thought this, the idea of hurting him made her pause. _Damn, why do I let him do this to me?_

     After a few tense moments, he tried again. "Look, Emma, I don't know if I did or said anything wrong, but it's pretty clear you’re upset with me. I'm sorry. I'll just stop trying." Then he turned and walked away from her, not even staying to order food but instead turning to leave.

     Emma wasn't sure why she did it, perhaps her heart was just reacting more quickly than her sensible side, but she jumped up and called after him. "Killian!" He stopped and turned back to face her, his expression one of disbelief. She continued more quietly. "Just wait a minute. You at least deserve an explanation."

     "You get your food. I'll sit outside and wait for you."

     Emma did just that, turning toward the counter where the cashier had just begun to slowly package the containers that held her food. She waited as he rang it all up so that she could pay for it before heading back out into the fast approaching darkness. She half expected to find Killian gone when she finally got outside but he was still there sitting at one of the two tiny tables outside the restaurant. She started to speak to him but he turned around before she had the chance, probably having heard the same bell that had alerted her to his presence earlier.

     "Hey" he said his voice almost a whisper.

     "Hey" she said back, a smile forming in her face even as she tried to remain cold and collected.

     "So you said something about an explanation?"

     "Right, an explanation. Well, let me just start by saying this. I'm not mad at you, not exactly."

     "You could've fooled me, love. You've been avoiding me for days."

     "Just hear me out, will you? I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself."

     "So why-"

     "Will you just let me finish without interrupting me please?" He gestured for her to continue. "I'm mad at myself for how I've been letting myself feel about-"

     Before Emma could finish, she was interrupted by someone coming up behind her and tapping her on the shoulder.

     "Ruth? What are you doing here? Do you live in this part of town?" Emma turned to see who it was that was talking to her and discovered that it was one of her coworkers from the daycare, Jenna.

     "Oh hi, Jenna." Emma answered very aware of the pair of eyes now boring holes into the back of her head. "Uh... yeah I do. I live just a few doors down actually."

     "Oh silly me. I'm interrupting something, aren't I? Well I'll just let you get back to it. It was good to see you."

     "Uh... yeah you too Jenna." Emma replied as the other woman turned to go in to the restaurant. She waited a moment before turning back to face Killian again, her courage all but vanished, only turning back when he grew impatient and cleared his throat.

     "Right, Killian, so where were we?"

     "You had started to say that you were mad not at me but yourself, but you didn't quite get to why you were upset."

     "Right. So like I was about to say, I'm upset with myself because of how I've been letting myself feel about... you, that I've let myself feel anything about you at all really."

     "I have to admit, I'm a little confused right now, love."

     "I moved here in the middle of a lot of... stuff in my life and I decided it was best to stay on my own for a while, to not date for a while. You know? So that was my plan. I just think it's better that way right now. But then I met you and now I can't seem to get rid of you and I can't seem to... want to get rid you either."

     They both sat there silently, the weight of her revelations bearing down on them. Emma wanted desperately to break the silence, but she was determined to let him speak first, she'd already said too much. Finally he spoke, releasing some of the tension that hung in the air around them. Emma expected him to say something about his feelings or to perhaps even make some sick joke, but his usual sarcasm was missing when he responded.

     "May I ask you one more question?"

     "Why not? Go ahead." _What could it hurt at this point?_

     "Why did that woman call you Ruth? I thought you said your name is Emma."

     "My name is Emma. But I'd told her and everyone else I’ve met since I moved here it was Ruth."

     "May I ask why you did that?"

     "It's silly I guess, looking back on it now. But like I said before, I had this plan. I moved here looking to start over, to leave the past behind me. I thought it'd be easier to do that if I changed who I was completely. I thought since I was trying to change my perspective I'd change my name along with it, make a clean break from who I used to be. But then you came along and ruined everything."

     "I ruined everything, did I? And how do you figure that, love?"

     Emma pushed the hair on the side of her face back behind her ear, stalling for time, trying to find the words.

     "Well I can't quite put a finger on why this is but I can't seem to lie to you. There's just something about you that feels… oh I don't know how to describe it… comfortable, freeing I guess. I feel like I can't help but be myself around you. I felt it as soon as we met. I'd had no trouble telling everyone else my name was Ruth but not you. With you, I'd blurted out the truth before I'd had the chance to even think about it."

     They both just sat there again, silence once again surrounding them, neither one knowing what to say next. Finally the quiet became too much and Killian had to say something.

     "So what are you running from? Or should I ask who are you running from"

     "Who said I'm running from something or someone?"

     "Starting over, changing your name, avoiding phone calls, you barely have anything to call your own, I just put the pieces together with the fact that you've been incredibly distant and it was the only thing that made sense."

     "I don't really want to talk about. That's the whole point of my running away, as you see it. And it's none of your business anyway."

     "Emma, please, I don't want to push you but you can trust me."

     "I can trust you? I've just met you. I barely know you." She scoffed. _Who was he to talk about trust? They barely knew each other._

     "I know we just met. But you know how you said you just had that feeling when you met me? Well I felt it too. I can't explain it, but you're different. I haven't talked to anyone the way I've talked to you in a really long time. You can trust me."

     Emma had had enough of this. _I knew talking to him was a bad idea and I was right. But if he's going to push the subject, I'll just tell him. Once he knows everything, he'll realize just how screwed up I am and he'll finally give up on it all. That's what always happens._

     She stood up and grabbed her still untouched food and her purse, stepping away from the table and pushing her chair in. She paused a moment before she left, finally letting the truths that she'd been holding inside explode out from her.

     "Ok fine! You want to know why I'm running? I'm running because I can't risk getting hurt again. I fell in love and he turned out to be an asshole, an immature and emotionally abusive asshole who only cared about himself, just like all the others before him. And in the end, he broke my heart and I left. I left him and I ran away with what little dignity I had left. There! Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?" She had been trying so hard to hold back the tears but it was all just too much, thinking about all the pain Neal had caused her and tears began to roll slowly down her checks as she turned to leave.

     As soon as Killian was no longer in view, she began to run full speed ahead towards her building, not even realizing that Killian had begun to run after her until she heard him running up the stairs behind her, gaining ground with every step. She reached her door and fumbled through her purse for her key, finding it with just enough time to step inside and slam the door as Killian reached the other side. Too exhausted from the emotional and physical workouts to do anything else, she simply turned her back to the door leaning against it and sliding down to the floor where she finally let her emotions get the better of her, the tears streaming as she rested her head in her hands.

     She could hear him on the other side of the door and hoped more than anything that he would just leave her alone in her misery. But it seemed he was a match for even her stubbornness as he continued to stay, even knocking occasionally. The knocking stopped eventually and just when Emma thought he'd given up and gone home, he spoke. It was soft, he was pleading with her.

     "I can hear you crying, Emma. Please just let me in so we can talk about this properly."

     "Go away Killian!"

     "You know that's not going to happen. Please, Emma." His voice was barely a whisper.

     Emma took a moment to wipe the tears from her face as best she could while still continuing to cry and then slowly she slid to sit against the wall and reached behind her to let him in. He said nothing as he closed the door and then sat next to her against it.

     "I know what it's like, you know?"

     "What" she said, wiping more tears away with her sleeve.

     "Having your heart break so badly you think you'll never be whole again. I know what that's like, how hard it is to go on with your life when you feel so empty inside."

     "It's just so hard, you know? I gave him everything I had, loved him so much. But all he ever cared about was himself. I worked myself to death so that we had enough money for rent and food while he could barely keep a job for more than a week. It was always too hard or he was too good to work someplace like that. He had excuses for everything, nothing was ever his fault. That's why the fights started. We'd be out of money or I'd be working too much but it was never his fault. I gave him everything and all he did was take." The tears were flowing again, stronger than ever and Emma half expected Killian to bolt but instead he rested his hand on top of hers where it sat on her knee and began to talk, softer this time, his face looking as if he was trying to see straight into the past.

     "In my experience, there's no pain in this world worse than loving someone more than they love you in return. That's what wrecked me, even more than losing my brother Liam. It'd been a while since we'd lost him and everyone in town knew it was only a matter of time before I got out of there. I'd made no secret of how much pain staying there caused me every day.

     "I met Milah properly for the first time about a month before I had finally decided to leave. She was beautiful with a wild spirit. We were both still young and we fell for each other hard and fast. We were practically inseparable for those few weeks. We would even skip work to spend time together walking around outside of town talking or swimming at the shore. I was head over heels in love with her, the joy she brought me finally starting to push away the clouds that still remained after we lost Liam. She felt the same, she loved me, or at least I thought she did. Looking back now, I think she just attached herself to me as a way to get away, to run from whatever demons haunted her in our small town. The day before I was to leave when I told her I was considering sticking around to appease my parents, she was gone. Just like that, it was like those weeks had never happened, like I’d never meant anything to her at all.

     "The thing of it is though, that was just the push I needed to actually leave, having her so nearby just added to the pain I felt staying there in that town. The town now held not just one ghost but two. So that's when I left the only place I'd ever known and came here. That was 7 years ago, Emma, and with you... well it's the first time I've been able to let my guard down even a little and be open to even the possibility of something real since then."

     Emma turned and stared at him in disbelief. Here she was punishing herself for her feelings while Killian, who had been through much the same pain, tried to help her through her own sorrow. Who knew that such a handsome man could hold such ugly pain, pain so like her own? Once again, her heart and her mouth began to act before her head could stop them.

     "I'm so sorry Killian."

     "What for?"

     "For everything, for Milah, your brother, just everything."

     "Those aren't yours to apologize for, love."

     They grew silent again as Emma continued to cry, this time more out of relief that she was no longer alone in her pain. Killian shifted a little against the door moving slightly closer to Emma and Emma leaned a little closer to him, even resting her head on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen slightly in surprise but it wasn't long before he relaxed again and even moved to put his arm around her shoulders. They sat there like that for a minute, Killian smoothing her hair while Emma wiped the last of her tears from her face.

     "I'm sorry Killian."

     "I know, love. You said that already."

     "I mean for pushing you away from the start. You've been nothing but nice to me and I've kept you at arm's length because I was afraid."

     "It's quite alright, Swan. You're still hurting, I could see that. I wasn't going to push you into something you weren't ready for."

     "Thank you for that."

     "Of course, Emma." He paused a moment but decided to continue. "So what do you say I take you out for a proper meal to make up for ruining this one?"

     "What, like a date?"

     "If that's what you want it to be."

     Emma weighed the risks a moment, finally deciding that if he already knew everything there was to her past and he was still willing to try, than maybe just maybe it was worth the risks.

     "Okay."

     "Okay? Great. Tomorrow night then? Say 7 o'clock?"

     "7 sounds perfect. But I don't want this to turn into anything too extravagant now Jones."

     "Your wish is my command." And with that he pushed himself off of the floor, turning back to offer his hand in assistance as Emma did the same.

     "I guess I'll go now. You've had quite the night thanks to me and you look like you could use some sleep."

     "You're probably right."

     "I most definitely am" he said turning her around and pushing her towards her bedroom. "Go. Sleep." He turned and opened the door pausing only slightly before stepping outside. "Goodnight Emma."

     She turned around just long enough to smile and respond with a quiet "Goodnight Killian" before turning back toward her room, the smile still stuck on her face as she heard the door click shut behind him.


End file.
